|The Impossible Quiz Book|
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Phlovomites / Spatulons (characters by Splapp) / Platforming games
Question 80 from The Impossible Quiz Book is the thirtieth question of Chapter 2, and the tenth and final question representing the Retro video games era. It's the third boss question of the game, as well as a homage to all of the popular 8-bit/16-bit platforming games that characterized this era, such as Mario, Mega Man and Sonic.
As soon as the Guide recovers from the previous question's fatal exception, you're presented with the title screen of this mini-game featuring both of the rivalling alien races created by Splapp-Me-Do, called Pholovomites vs. Spatulons. The main menu has this text:
- Collect 5: (glowing light blue orb)
- Use the ARROW keys to move.
- Press the UP ARROW to jump
- Press R to asplode
- PRESS HERE TO START
The mini-game will begin as soon as you press the red text button, with the screen transitioning into a side-view camera angle of the only playable level, taking place in the Spatulons' home planet: there are grassy platforms at different heights, complete with spatula-shaped plants on them, as well as some blood-covered spikes located in the lowest floor and in the middle-right platform. There are 6 Spatulons scattered through the map, all of them running around on fours.
You control a Phlovomite, who will start in the top-left hand corner of the screen. Your mission is to collect the 5 glowing light blue orbs as they appear, the first one of which is located in the middle-right platform with the spikes. Spatulons are harmful to you, but you can jump on them to get rid of them; holding the jump button as you land on a Spatulon will make you bounce higher.
Here's a walkthrough to each of the orbs:
- To get the first orb, head down to the middle-right platform, where it is located. Do not jump on the Spatulon on the highest platform of the right; you'll need it later. Squash the one on the middle-right platform and then collect the glowing orb.
- A second orb will appear on the second-highest platform on the left. Jump over to the platform to the left, above the spikes of the lowest floor, then jump on the Spatulon of that platform without letting go of the jump button. You will bounce higher, and you'll be able to reach the platform with the orb. Be cautious, as another Spatulon is guarding it; squash it, and then grab the orb.
- The third one will spawn on the bottom-left corner of the level, where yet another Spatulon is guarding it. Simply go all the way down and grab it, while avoiding getting killed by the Spatulon.
- The fourth one will also appear on the lowest floor, this time in the righternmost end, guarded by another Spatulon. You must take an upper route, since the spiked floor is far too wide to jump across. Get to the platform right above the orb and then fall down, avoiding the spikes. You must first get the orb and then bounce on the Spatulon while holding the jump button to get to the higher platform, otherwise you'll be trapped there and forced to lose a life, because you can't jump across the spikes.
- The fifth and final sphere will spawn right on your starting point, on the top-left corner of the screen, which means you have to work your way up to the highest platform of the level. As soon as you reach the highest platform on the right side, you must bounce on the Spatulon holding the jump button, and head to the left while in mid-air. After getting to the starting platform, grab the last orb and you'll win.
Needless to say, if you kill a Spatulon you needed to get to a higher platform but you didn't make it to that platform, the level automatically becomes unbeatable, forcing you to kill yourself with the spikes, another Spatulon, or by pressing the R key of your keyboard.
As soon as you collect the final orb of the level, the word "Winner!" will pop up in yellow letters on top of the level, with the congratulatory jingle playing in the background. Moments later, you'll be asked to update the Guide's firmware one last time.
Firmware update #3
After completing the game, a new screen will appear, containing a message that requires you to update The Phlovomite's Guide to the Galaxy once more in order to proceed. The message reads:
- GUESS WHAT!
- New Firmware is Available!
- Version 16.000.000.0.1
- You must update to continue.
As usual, hit the "UPDATE" button and the update will automatically be downloaded and installed; there's a huge 1 written big black Retro-styled font in the background during the update process (just like the "5" and the "7" of the previous ones), which will briefly fill the screen after successfully updating.
Following this, the Guide will then change the channel to AV2, once again displaying a spinning space background with high-quality graphics, just like in Question 74. This time, however, the screen will display a message you probably weren't even expecting to see in this game: you're informed that you have completed the demo version of the Guide.
- THE PHLOVOMITE'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
- Thank you for playing the demo!
- Buy the full game for only 1600 Quiz Points!
- Full game features:
- • 20 more Questions!
- • Arsebook integration!
- • Not much else!
The screen also contains a picture of an angry-looking Phlovomite staring at a confused Chris, with the Guide itself behind them.
The red text urging you to buy the full version of the game is the only clickable option of the screen. This means that the only choices here are to either buy the full game or simply close the window and move on with your life. But if you were to buy the complete game, where would you get to these so-called "Quiz Points"? Or a better question would be: What are those!?.
These and many other questions will most probably never get an answer, unfortunately. But this doesn't matter in the least bit because, in reality, you do have those Quiz Points. Clicking the red text will produce a cash register sound effect, which means you have successfully purchased the full version, and since the update has already been downloaded, you can move on with the game right away.
This screen officially marks the beginning of the final stretch of the game, which will last until the very last question of the game, and which will delight you with high-quality visuals and a more natural-looking handwriting, all by the hand of Splapp-Me-Do himself. You have finally reached the Modern era of the gaming world, and you'll start with the first of the twenty questions that follow this theme: Question 81.
- Like in "Pac-Frank", you can press the Tab key as much as you want during "Phlovomites vs. Spatulons" and you will not get a Game Over (unless you do it in its title screen). The same applies to the update screens, as usual.
- If you press Tab while in the mini-game's title screen, you will get a Game Over, but you will also glitch its music, which will keep playing on top of the normal Quiz music when you start over.
- Moreover, pressing Tab on the "Demo complete" screen will give you a Game Over as well, but you will also glitch the game, forcing you to restart it.
- If you press the R key after getting all 5 orbs, the "WINNER!" text will be replaced with "You killed yourself, you RETARD" and you will then lose a life and have to restart the minigame. The music will also not replay when this occurs.
|The Impossible Quiz Book|
|Chapter 1 questions|| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10|
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71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85 | 86 | 87 | 88 | 89 | 90
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|Chapter 3 questions|| 101 | 102 | 103 | 104 | 105 | 106 | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110|
111 | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | 116 | 117 | 118 | 119 | 120 | 121 | 122 | 123 | 124 | 125
126 | 127 | 128 | 129 | 130 | 131 | 132 | 133 | 134 | 135 | 136 | 137 | 138 | 139 | 140
141 | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150
Chris | Phlovomite King | Norman Mapping | Phlovomites 109 and 42
Guest appearances by:
Frank | Badly Drawn Dawg and family | Mars | Minor characters
|Power-ups||Skip | Fusestopper | Lifebuoy|